He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
