it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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