Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
