We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
