I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
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