I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
