the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
