i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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