Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
