I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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