I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
