I am spending my child support on dildos
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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