so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
