you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize