hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
jump out the window naked night went bad
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
