I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
