No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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