do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
