OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
