i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
