I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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