i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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