It's like God shit irony all over that family
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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