i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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