Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
