and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
