He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
