life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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