i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
