Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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