Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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