I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
