i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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