Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
