Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
