i would punch a child for taco bell
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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