How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
