I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
