There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
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#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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