When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
