I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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