You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
