I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
soo... how was my night?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
