I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
