Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
