Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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