Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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