Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
