Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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