Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
