I'm so fucking centered right now
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
