My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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