bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
