i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
