2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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