i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
