Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
