We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
