never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
