i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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