dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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