Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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