Ambien. No doubt about it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
