I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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