Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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