Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
