woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
