I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
