When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We got so high we made milksteak
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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