I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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