I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
