i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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