i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
