Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
