I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
