1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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