We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
