in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
