Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
