so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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