Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
