I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
